When I was a teenager I thought that I would outgrow insecurity like I would mature past acne. It turns out I was wrong.
Today I spent hours pouring over songs I have helped penned in the past year. Between co-writing with my bandmates and dozens of songwriters we have over 25 new songs. We need 4 great ones. More than once I felt waves of defeat and doubt. “Are any of these songs any good? Are they really worth singing? What will the reviews be 8 months from now after we spend thousands of dollars in production, mixing, mastering, flights, food, promotion, and more?”
But I’m okay with not always feeling certain.
Sometimes when I get up to lead worship the people I am leading look like they would rather be anywhere else in the world. They don’t sing, smile, or say thank you. In those moments it is often me that would rather be anywhere else in the world.
But I’m learning to embrace that discomfort.
I feel more and more aware as I grow older of the true nature of my limitations. I am not the best at almost anything I do if you isolate it. I’m not the best singer. I’m not the best musician. I am not the greatest speaker. I am not the most amazing songwriter.
But especially as someone who claims to want to make Jesus famous, that is a beautiful awareness.
It reminds me of my constant need for the very thing I sing about: the cross of Jesus Christ.
It centers my confidence not on my abilities but on the firm foundation of the finished work of Jesus.
Hello my name is Andy. I am insecure. I love Jesus and because He loves me I will sing.
“Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.”
Habakkuk 3:17-19 (ESV)